It has been about a month since the last Men @ The Round Table event was held at The Black Writers Museum in the Germantown section of Philadelphia... I have realized that hearing from and listening to the stories and thoughts of black men has transformed me from the inside out. I am aware that compassion, care and true love go a long way to buffering me from succumbing to the effects of living in the sludge of male oppression, disappointment, lowered expectations and just plain anger. Anger towards myself and anger towards men.
I just spoke with a friend of mine today about the transformation (my favorite word) in my own life as it relates to my father with whom I had never had a real relationship prior to September 2013. There, in the midst of that month, came a metamorphosis of pain into forgiveness, apprehension into appreciation, resentment into love and today, as a grown woman with children of her own, I can say that my relationship with him is giving me what I longed for and so much more. I shared with my friend that I get early morning text messages from him about how beautiful I am, how amazing I am and I can feel his pride in what I have become... To any man who is unsure what his contribution can be or should be to his daughter (or son for that matter), know this- that this 35 year old woman is being nurtured as an adult in ways that I never thought possible and it is making a profound difference. Imagine what difference you can make early on!
Even in the sense of looking to a mate or potential mate for attention, validation or love, the motivation is not internally driven by a hole in my heart. I am complete, whole, lacking nothing- not just because my relationship with my father is whole but also because my relationship with ME is whole. It is in light of the dissection of all of these areas of my life that the Men @ The Round Table project could be born. The birth pains have been deep and severe but the joy of new life is sweeter than ever imagined.